(updated for July 2022 content, links. Originally entitled “how to be a junior G Man. And other low tech, cheap and easy spy guy tricks”)Hey kids ever wanted to be a G Man?
Sure you can little Billy…. if you wanna be a pussy for the man!
Wouldn’t you rather be a Stealth Ninja EvS junior minion?!!
“Hell ya Evil where do I sign up?!!”
Whoo relax trigger, good to see you’ve got some spirit but there’s things
ya gotta know first.
The following skills, tips and tricks should get you started… what’s that?
Oh yes…..first our legal department is forcing me to say the following:
“The following article is for ACADEMIC RESEARCH ONLY. The Evil von Scary Show ,it’s
affiliates and contributors take no responsibility if any of this is used by “minions”, fans or anyone
else crazy enough to use it”
So there you have it, plausible deniability, should you be captured all records of your existence will
be destroyed and the cover story is that you were someone who wrote to us from a mental institution.
Still here? o.k. good your ready to start your training.
Escape from handcuffs!
One skill every Stealth Ninja (especially EvS Jr. minion ones) is not to get caught. Having said
that you need to learn how to get out of handcuffs (or zip ties/zap straps/twist ties). Just in case a magic trick goes south or “security forces” have put you into them. Thanks Scam Nation for video:
Back in the Recce days in the “Green Machine” I always had blackened safety pins or hair pins tucked in my bush cap (usually for grenades and trip flares) so not a bad idea and its easy to have on your person. Paper clips are a pretty easy item to hide as well. Learning lock-picking loosely ties in but unless your a locksmith we cannot RECOMMEND that you learn how to pick locks.
Secure Email
In light of all the NSA snooping and reading email transmissions. Just don’t transmit or send the email. Duh really. No really.
Set up an email with a password (and not password as the password). Give that email and password to other fellow minions. Treat it like a “drop box” or “dead letter drop”. Type up the message you have for whoever and save it as a draft. Then the other person can log in, read the draft and leave a draft reply of their own. It’s not foolproof but does stay under the radar. Remember ya gotta be stealthy! Another viable option (for some) is encrypted email such as Proton Email.
Making a good password
Microsoft will give you some half decent advice on making password that are good for most people, and they even throw in a free tester. But they don’t tell you about the back doors built into things to allow their fed friends to waltz into your computer but that a story for another day. Use phrases that only make sense to you and have no spaces in it. Or use the tv changer, flip the channel a few times and use the first 4 words you hear.
Like Johnny Mnemonic, without the nose bleeds.
Substitute some letters for numbers that look similar and throw in a few upper case letters. If someone with good hack skills is really after you though passwords just slow em down. Be stealthy, the nail that sticks out gets hammered. Also encrypt your hard drive, for free! No really its free.
ENCRYPTED SOCIAL MEDIA
If you have that Facebook monkey on your back, a good alternative that is encrypted and features secure chat can be found on minds.com
There are other ones out there, results and experiences may vary.
Street Craft and staying low key.
Blend in, crowds are your friends. Have a reversible jacket (one color inside, different one outside) or a “hoodie”. Know your route from A to B and have at least 3 ways of getting there. Wear a ballcap, cameras aren’t really that great. Just watch the news, how often do you here of the police asking for “the public’s help” in trying to find someone of such and such a vague description. This works. A friend of mine was a rebel back in the day during the fighting in El Salvador. They used to wear two shirts so one could be discarded when out of sight while being followed in urban areas. Know bus routes and always have cash on hand to get a cab or a rickshaw. Change routes, take turns, use windows and reflective surfaces to see if your being followed or to monitor whatever it is your watching.
BBC did a “SPY” show awhile back that showed some good tips with people trying to be spies in a “survivor” style show.
Defeating Facial.
This will be the future once the tech becomes cheaper, learn how to spoof and defeat it now.
CASH IS KING
use cash for everything, cards are traceable. HOWEVER, you can get pre-paid credit cards without ID and costs about 5 bucks to activate. Anything big (over say 500) it is better to use a card as using cash might have a wanna be G-man ,aka salesperson, make a call.
Have a rubber band around your wallet or stack, its harder to pick your pocket that way.
Avoiding heat detection.
a good quick and temporary solution is a plain ole fashioned thick wool blanket. Yeah easy as that. There are other tricks and tips that can be found here.
RFID protection
cards, clothing, lots of stuff use RFID or chips. Line your wallet with tin foil or buy any range of products that have either a thin aluminum or other tech to block skimming.
Plenty of DIY out there and finally another use of tinfoil besides my hat collection!
CELL PHONES
the modern electronic leash. Not only a really dangerous distraction but will get you found in no time flat. Again though with some knowledge and know how one can turn these electronic slave collars into a useful tool.
Realize they can be activated (ie the camera and microphones) to spy on you. Buy “burners” aka throw away phones, prepaid and with x amount of time and data on them. Ed Snowden and VICE teamed up and explains how to go dark with your cell phone:
simple stuff like paying attention to your surroundings, knowing where fire exits are, alternate routes, activity in the area. If you need to know more read here.
Talking to police
be polite, keep answers short and simple don’t get into a big conversation. There are tons of videos these days showing you how to stand up for your rights etc, and they are (more or less) all legit and most of us should stick up for our rights but don’t forget about being stealthy and off the radar.
The following series is one of the better one’s out there
Self Defense/Kung-Pow!
knowing just a bit of self defense or “kung pow”, basic strikes, holds, escapes, kicks can go a long way. No need for fancy crane kicks and the rest. Know (by practicing) a few basic moves until they become second nature. Simpler the better for real life. And remember the only dirty fight is the one you lose. Anything goes. There are millions of resources out there online, at the local community college, church, boxing club, whatever. Most places offer a first few lessons free, take advantage of that to find something that works for you. Learn some practical basics and practice them. Some really simple stuff as demonstrated in the famous film “The Devil’s Brigade“. Fun starts about 1:08
Check out any Army, Ranger, Marine fighting systems, boxing, wrestling. They all work. No need for fancy dojos and flying Kung Fu rabid monkey kicks, you’ll never remember that shit if someone hits you with a beer bottle!
Anyway that’s enough for now, further training will commence when you learn the secret handshake and can make my favorite drink. Next secret article will have other training tips.
Be sure to check out the EVS Urban Survival Challenge as well for increasing your Stealth Ninja skills!!
-Thanks for tuning in, Evil von Scary.